Never settle for second best

Private blog has been updated today. Two posts.
thanks
Bri

I now have a passworded blog - apologies to those who haven't been informed. Please email me, or leave a comment here with your email address and i'll get back to you about access.

thanks
Bri

OK so I have to leave this blog now. My ex-dh just rang and abused me for making him out to be a (insert a nasty word beginning with "c"). First of all I didn't give him access to this blog, which means he's been sneaking around trying to find it. He knew of the old one, but there's no link to this one from the old one. You work it out ...

Not sure why he abused me, cos I was only telling the truth (the truth hurts when you're in denial though).

- he DID say he was quitting his job today

- he DID tell me he had a job offer in Bundaberg

- he HASN'T contacted his daughter since he left here (he says he had other fish to fry??)

- I AM worried that DS will miss him and that he will slowly lose contact with him, because mainly of what has happened with his daughter and history does tend to repeat itself.

My blog is somewhere for me to share my thoughts and what's going on in my head. This is how I feel, whether other people perceive the situation to be different, then that is THEIR side of the story. This is mine. Now I don't have that either.

The End

Maintained my weight again, i'm not really trying so i'm actually surprised i'm not gaining. I really need to get back to planning.

I went to Canberra for the weekend. Actually for a few hours, we got there at lunchtime on Saturday and left at lunchtime on Sunday, so it was a flying trip. I am so tired today from driving all weekend. It's about a 5 hour trip and yesterday it rained sideways all the way home.

dh says he's resigning from his job today. He also says he has had an offer of a job in Bundaberg (?? wherever THAT is) for at least 6 months. The other job he has coming up won't start until March next year so this is perfect for him. Oh, except that you know - he'll be a million miles away from his son, not to mention his older daughter who lives with her mother in this area aswell. He still hasn't contacted his daughter since before he moved out of here and that must be nearly two months ago now. His choice.

He says he's going to buy a computer and get a webcam for himself and for us here so that he can contact DS every day.

I guess we'll see how that goes.

I'm sorry i'm not updating very often, I just don't have much time these days and it's only going to get worse when dh goes away as at least now I know I get Thursday nights and every second weekend to myself, that didn't last long did it?

4 months 19 days til Christmas. I had a blingy blog thing in here but it wasn't working - maybe just aswell! hehe

I guess I must be really busy, I can't believe it's been another week since I updated here. I've been reading blogs but not commenting much. Time is just flying so fast and I guess i'm spending more time on the housework and also trying to read Harry Potter before some idiot lets it slip about what happens.

DH took DS away for the weekend up to his mothers. I was a bit beside myself when he told me on Thursday night and I spent most of the night crying. I know he has every right to take him when it's 'his weekend' and I know i've been saying for ages that I needed some time to myself but when faced with the prospect of a weekend without my little man it was a bit scarey. Of course I had to pack his bags, food, medicines, toys etc and that made me even more sad.

I was quite brave when they left and I didn't cry (much anyway). I had a bottle of champagne and a nice hot bath with candles lit in the bathroom, then I went to bed and watched Serendipity. I love chick flicks!

On Saturday I moved the furniture around in the loungeroom and moved cupboards around from room to room until I thought everything looked okay. I haven't moved any furniture for ages - I used to do it all the time - probably every couple of weeks! I also sat outside in the sunshine and read more of Harry Potter, I actually got a bit sunburnt. It was such a beautiful day.

Last night I went out with one of my girlfriends for a few drinks and today i've done the groceries and gone to the local Aquarium to buy some new (replacement) fish for the tank. Antoher "Nemo" kicked the bucket this morning so I thought I better replace him before DS got home. Unfortunatley DH and DS got home before me. I bought 4 new fish so we now have 6, this is the most we've had in the tank. They look really cute.

Anyhoo, I have one more load of washing to do and then make the beds and everything is done. DS came home from Nannas and I think he's a bit tired so we may have to have an afternoon nap today!! hehe

I'm off to read more Harry Potter too, i'm only up to chapter 6. In the days "BC" (before children) I would have read the book until I was finished - probably would take me a whole day but I just wouldn't put them down.

Weightloss has not been my priority for quite some time now. My weight is stable at 77 kilos but my food intake isn't the best and exercise is non-existant. I'm going to do some planning this week to get back on track. I've given myself until Christmas to be around 70kg - 7 kilos in 18 weeks (400 g per week? or thereabouts) - I would love to lose 10 kilos but i'm not going to set myself up for failure already, hey 5 kilos gone by Christmas would be unreal, any more than that is a huge bonus.

Hope all the C2S's had a great run/walk this morning. I will be joining you next year.

Oh and I almost forgot Sue wrote a post about food and half the stuff sounded a little strange (of course I said so - not very polite am I?? Sorry) so Sue asked me what my favourite foods were. This is just going to make me hungry but here's a few:

1. Nachos made with BBQ shredded chicken, spicy salsa, light cheese and Weight Watchers sour cream
2. Home made pizzas on flat lebanese bread
3. Barbequed rare fillet steak with caeser salad and potato wedges
4. White castello cheese with strawberries on crusty bread
5. Chicken pieces cooked in a casserole dish in the oven in mushroom sauce served with lots of fresh steamed vegetables

This list is so funny cos even 5 years ago this list above would have been full of fatty high calorie foods and now they're healthier versions of the bad foods I used to eat. I really appreciate flavour and fresh food so much more now and I really keep the "sometimes" foods for sometimes not all the time.

One of my favourite bad things to eat is still (don't knock it til you've tried it) McDonalds fries dipped into a McDonalds sundae (without the topping) - yes i'm a little strange! hehe

I didn't realise how long it had been since i've posted. There's so much going on in my head and I have been lying awake nights thinking a thousand thoughts but I can't seem to get them from my head to the keyboard of my computer.

DH and I missed counselling this week. We had a fight the day before and he said he didn't want to go. We're putting it off til next fortnight, or maybe just putting it off forever, I don't know yet. I am still going, but I don't have an appointment either, I need to make one.

I think he's finally realising that our relationship is over, which is a good thing. Although he's very sad. I guess I did that bit already. Probably a lot longer ago than anyone realises.

I know I haven't really gone too much into the reasons behind my decision to separate from DH in any of my blogs, just that we've been having "issues". I don't really want to go into it much but DH has anger issues and also behaviours that i'm not happy about. Pretty much he needs a kick up the arse and to grow the hell up. He needs to realise he's not 16 anymore and he has responsibilities. He has a daughter from his first marriage, she's 13 now, he hasn't called her since he moved out, which must be about 6 weeks ago now. Although she hasn't rung here asking for him either.

He has communicated to me today that he knows that it's over, he still loves me (I was tempted to say 'you're only human' but decided against it in the nick of time) but he'll just try to keep in mind that we're going to counselling to attempt better communication for Lachie's sake, not to get back together.

He may be moving away towards the end of the year. He has a chance at a step up in his career and this would be a great move for him. He is dedicated to going (with or without me he says, but he knows now that it will be without me). It will be a good thing for him and a chance to restart his life and make amends with himself and maybe realise his potential. He's a very intelligent guy but he just makes poor decisions and let's his anger get in the way of his life.

Things sure have changed around here since he's been gone. The house is tidy most of the time. I am enjoying (some) cleaning and de-cluttering - although I need a lot more time to really get my teeth into this. I need to get into a better routine but i'm getting there and it feels really good. There's so much I want to do, like today I was looking out the window and noticed how dirty they are, so there's a job for a sunny day! I'm not complaining about the housework cos i'm the only one who can do it, so i'm just doing what I can when I can and i'm really happy about that.

I didn't used to open the blinds or sit outside much, I truly think I was trying to hide myself away from the world and shut out the pain of being in a dead end relationship by shutting myself inside with no contact with the outside world on weekends. That has changed so much now. I open all the blinds, I let the sun in, DS and I got outside as much as we can and i'm really enjoying it. I think i've been a sad sack for way too long.

Today I tidied up out the back and swept and de-cobwebbed the outdoor setting. I sat out there with DS for a little while in the sun reading Harry Potter and just loving relaxing in my own home. It was brilliant.

Unfortunately I forgot that I was supposed to go to work this afternoon and had to cut short my lizard-like behaviour and race down the freeway to meet an Assessor who is coming to help out with the storm claims. By the time I got back the sun was gone, but I cleaned up out the back in preparation for next weekend's tanning/book reading efforts! Now where did I put those new swimmers I bought, maybe i'll start tanning for real and by the time summer gets here i'll have a head start!!

It's so peaceful and calm here at our house now, i'm loving it (loving it sick!! hehe). I really believe i've made the best decision possible for DS and I and I just know there's something better out there for us (and I don't mean men - I just mean life).

Hugs and kisses to you all.

Are they getting better? I can't tell. Still really sore, I thought the pain might have gone by now, but no. Hands up who's sick of hearing about it. The one with the boots on is the latest version.

Gwen Stefani was a bit of a fizzer. Sure she's ok. She's just had a baby and her body has sprung back into shape as does with celebrity millionaires - not a stretch mark in sight I might add. Her singing was at best passable. She seemed to be having trouble with notes in her lower register, maybe she had a cold or something. She sure was sweating a lot. She is very energetic.

What is it with crowds at concerts like that - if the "star" mentions the country, the city or any swear word stronger than 'bloody' the crowd goes wild - what is that all about? I just don't get it. Maybe i'm not meant for concerts!!

Her costumes are amazing and her dancers are fabulous. She just didn't do it for me like Pink did. Pink was amazing and inspiring and just fabulous. Gwen was okay. Glad I went though, it's always nice to have a night out with the girls.